By the time I am typing this post, my refrigerator’s freezer section is still full of bottles of EBM. I said I’ve cut down pumping times from 3 times to twice at work, but still, babysitter seems to give Daie only formula these days :( She keeps saying Daie refuses EBM and prefers formula more, and everytime I unpack Daie’s milk’s bag there’ll be always unused EBM go wasted. I am really sad about this thinking how much effort I have taken to get every single bottle (drop, even!) of EBM but they finally get dumped into sink every night.
I kind of think that it’s the babysitter who prefers to prepare formula. Although I feel bad of being suspicious, but I can’t help it. Because last time I left Daie with MIL at Melaka for a day supplying only EBM (already intended not providing formula even as backup) and Daie still drank it! I know last time I used to want him drink the formula as well for the sake for not wasting it (because already bought in KB when I was still on leave – it was a long story behind but nevermind. And it’s expensive!) but now when it have come to substitute my precious EBM rather than only backing it up, I feel rather sad and annoyed.
Now I feel like stopping pumping altogether, but fear that milk will dry up sooner than later and I will soon not be able to direct breastfeed him.
Today I intentionally stopped supplying formula, although a bit worried if Daie will go starving because of it. But anyways.