Late night rambling

I’m having fever and flu and my noise keeps running and I can’t stop sneezing. But never mind that, AI test today was far good and easy than I had expected. Instantly changing my perception towards this subject, and the more I believe I’m about to make it better this semester (insyallah). Now that April has come, waking me up a little bit that it’s only one month left until the semester ends, and before that, I’ll be fighting with 2 ekor monsters again this time, though they look beatable so far since there are only 2 of them, but I can never overestimate myself still.

Let’s take a look back at the ugly monsters that I was fighting down last semester.

Scary, indeed. Even scarier with the fact that I had actually lost in that Analog monster’s hand 2 times before the final fight. Was almost giving up myself, was thinking of quitting altogether, but somehow it was such a miracle that I woke up and fighted back. And I survived :)

Looking back, it has been not funny at all, coming to study masters – in Electronics some more duh! – that I had never actually planned in the first place. I came to USM – as much deserted it can get – only because I wanted to escape from being forever doomed at home doing nothing after leaving the job, and it was the only choice I had. But yeah, things are always not funny when it comes to destiny and decision, I can say my life has always been excessively unpredictable all this time. Maybe some of you who read this know what I’m talking about, and some dont, but it’s okay. I’m just rambling to msyelf anyway :)

To be honest, I have never wanted to think about future again, to plan and such, coz seeing the pattern of how my life has been treating me, sometimes I fear to make any hope again, let alone to plan. I never wanted to think what I want to do after graduating, what and where I’ll be working next, how my life will turn up afterwards. Say I’m a person who doesnt have any goal in her life, say I’m a person who doesnt seek for any particular thing in her life. Someone asked me repeatedly, “What do you actually want in this life?” and instead of saying  “I want to get my dream job and be successful” or “I want to become very rich”…. the only thing crossing my mind has been “I just want to be happy”. Nothing much else. If you’ve been in my shoes, you will know that you only need happiness in order to be alive (again).

Only recently, I have moved myself to a stage where I think I no longer fear to hope, and to plan. I can’t stop my mind from thinking about future, about what I’ll be doing, where I’ll be living, the so-called plans (even got Plan A, Plan B, etc you know.. haha but I’m not telling what :P). 360 degrees transformed, you can tell. I’m now so much looking forward to get away from here, so start anew a better life. I’ve now found my reason to look at the future, and how to get there, and what I should do to get there. For the sake of happiness that I’ve been waiting all this while.

And that would also be my reason to prepare myself well to fight monsters again in few weeks time :)