Why is there sunshine and the rain

I guess I have to make a normal post now before people think I’ve gone either insane or dead. Now, some update:

  • Mood – better.
  • Sleep – excessive.
  • Holiday – pending. I’m still in the hostel after one week exam had finished, can you believe that?
  • Master’s project – figuring out the topic. Image Processing, probably, under Prof Umi.
  • Money – insufficient. Just replaced the mouse today, brand new Logitech. Average lifetime for RM15 mouse: 2 months, so I’m not gonna be deceived by the cheap price no more.
  • Room – 50% a mess.
  • Reading – Polly Evan’s It’s Not About the Tapas: Around Spain on Two Wheels.
  • Side project – Making a website prototype for a company *ahem* I mean, seriously! :P
  • Az – spending weekend with family. Hm, envy him.
  • WordCamp – not attending. Poor ilyani should better spend RM150 for something more crucial. Okay, I dont have money in the first place T_T
  • Mothers Day – I miss Mama. But I dont feel like going home now.

Oh well. I’m considerably happy.

6 months

has passed since Az came into my life.

It’s funny, really, coz I didnt intend to remind myself or remember the exact date I started knowing him, as nobody really pays so much attention on which particular date and month and year they know anyone, no? And I never actually take note when I know this person and when I know that person either.

But it’s just coincidently I happen to learn the very date I started knowing Az coz it was literally, clearly written in my blog. To be precise, on his first comment ever since in one of the posts at ilyani.wordpress.com (yep, before I got my own domain I used to write there).

I wouldnt go into much details but I find it amusing knowing that the very day I got his comment message was a day to remember, I know nobody would understand or believe if I said his sudden appearance had been sort of waited by me at that particular time, in such a mysterious way that couldnt really be explained entirely by words, and I would like to see it as a miracle by God that it happened. Though I did get many random visitors arriving to the blog from Google search as he did, for the same reason and keywords as he did, leaving comments as he did, but apparently it was such a destined timing, among other reasons that only both of us aware of, that made him instantly stay in my heart ever since. Oh kay, should I say he’s been my blog’s biggest fan too, ever since then? :P

And today, it’s been 6 months. Half a year. Much faster as I had realized. And even if it’s only been 6 months, by this time he knows me more than anyone else in this world does. And I feel as if I have been happy like forever. You have no idea how my life was going through a year before that, with so much hell to endure and overcome, which almost took my entire life to suffer in order to forget. I had never expected it would be so much easy to gain my smile back, with the appearance of someone only in virtual space. Love does happen at the time and place you least expect it.

What’s been going in these 6 months? 300+ Gmail conversations, 50+ Google chats, 180 returning visits from his office computer to my blog (I dont know why but StatCounter only keeps his office PC’s IP in memory, while the rest being reset every now and then so by far the most returning visit I can keep track is from Az – that’s why he gets ilyani.net’s biggest fan award :D). Countless phone calls and SMS. Oh, and only one meeting, duh. I admit I don’t write every single thing going on with my new relationship as I did with previous, perhaps I’m getting more mature and be careful of what I’m writing (read: whining) online, or maybe it’s because I’m aware he’s reading me while the previous guy had no idea at all that I was keeping a blog.

Anyways, I dont know if this special dedication post is necessary, I know it may sound  too cheesy and I dont want to look so much excited regarding relationship and stuff that I need to announce to the whole world. But please bear with me for this time as I want to pause the time for a while and make myself to look back to 6 months ago when it all started in such a strange way. Funny :)

Okay, Az, if you ever read this I just want to thank with all my heart for your existence and for being around all this while. I just could say it has changed my life ever since. And the more I believe God does love me and He won’t let me suffer the love-less life for too long :)

Hmm.. ni budak mana pulak nih? O_O Tiba-tiba pulak masuk menjengah kat post ni takde kaitan langsung..

Hehe ini bukan sebarang budak tau kawan2.. Budak comel ni berada di tempat pertama dalam carta ilyani’s obsessions selama 7 hari berturut2. I pun taktau kenapa.. memang sangat obses dgn budak ni sehingga di tahap gambar dia dijadikan wallpaper laptop saya ha. Nakkk sangat3 jumpa dengan budak comel ni one day… huhu.. taktau la bila, dalam mimpi pun tak kisah.. sebab saya sangat2 suka dia tak terhingga. I lagi suka budak ni dari Az.. ooops.

Sorry ye Az, I dah jatuh cinta dengan budak ni dah sekarang.. I dont care la you nak kata apa..

Oh kay, it was a bloody nightmare =_=


I should be awarded as THE WORLD’S FASTEST PERSON TO GET PANIC and shortly later realize that it was nothing at all as I was fussing about. It must be the fever virus affecting my emotion and messed with it =.=

Nevermind, but at least I learned about different people behavior, and to prepare myself to not freak out too soon next time it happens. But mind you, if it ever happens again next time, I’ll go and punch you in the face. Or maybe punch my own face. Either way, it will be a lesson to everyone out there so that you know how to avoid yourselves from being punched!! Like, dont go MIA out of the blue and send a smells-like-goodbye SMS to someone who’s expecting something otherwise. In such a critical time. If you know what I mean.

BTW, I’ve closed the fan page of ilyani.net, it’s pointless anyway, I mean.. since when I started collecting fans?? I collect only postcards lah ;P (actually I freaked out after one of my roommates suddenly noticed the link from FB.. and asking, “what’s this ilyani dot net?” and I was like, “eh.. nothing, please dont open it!!” >.< mygosh, the last thing I want to know is my own roommates find out about this blog existence!). Hmmm anyway after realizing that I actually *still* prefer my blog to be discreet the way it used to be all this while, with only few sincere friends who really care to read, and not to pass by for the sake of, well, passing by. I dont even mind the silent readers who read :) I still want this place to be the place I can whine about life and love without fear if my posts will bore people to death, without me being like a stranger in my own home. This is afterall the place I talk to myself (or maybe if I’m lucky, to you too). Let’s just say these couple of weeks I’ve been experimenting the socialized version of blogging, and not that I dont like it, it was hell of fun and I love knowing new people and getting to know them from their blogs, and I was trying to put myself in such group too, until the moment I said to myself, what the hell is it that I’m (and they’re) actually doing? Visiting random blogs without intention to read at all, but only hoping them to visit back? Tsk.. it’s not me.

Well, I’m taking it slow then :) Let’s see how it will go. In the meantime I’ll be busy with exam coming up soon, so YAY, you won’t be flooded with boring posts by me that much anymore :P

And someone who called me sohappilyasifeverythingsfineunlikewhatiwasbloodyworriedof today wants me to put this countdown ticker in my blog to prove me that he will definitely come visit me in Nibong Tebal after the exam on his birthday, so I have to study hard.

Yeah right.

I don’t know if I still have that excitement anymore after what has happened.

Maybe it will come back as soon as my nose stops running. I finally went to the clinic today. *snorts*

Muhasabah – Self-Inventory

This is most likely a God’s punishment to me.

For being too carried away with worldly love and happiness I almost forgot that those are never as everlasting as HIS love to me. I’ve been neglecting, I’ve been swayed.

I used to pray the hardest when I was desperately asking for happiness from Him, the tears falling onto that sejadah could be the witness. It was long ago.

Being an ungrateful mankind as I am, I forgot to continue praying as hard anymore after getting the happiness, I forgot that I had to keep praying hard in order to keep the happiness with me. There can never be free service for you in this world.

Take me to Your path again, dear Allah. And show me some light so I could see the truth You have prepared for me ahead.