End of the semester

It’s one week to go before we start the final exam. Lately the weeks have been such a rush, and killing me. I didn’t expect studying a higher level could be this stressed. I didn’t expect it could be this difficult too. I, who hardly had much problems studying in peace and ease and enjoyment ever since I was little to the undergrad time, finally had to accept the fact that learning isn’t a piece of cake to me anymore. Anyway, I’ve survived. Not the exams yet, but the weeks full of projects, presentations, assignments, tests.. T__________T and I have to say learning Advanced Analog makes me cry. Even more, the tests. And it kept me questioning myself repeatedly “why the h did I choose to study this crappy Electronics??” It’s waaaay beyond my knowledge and ability to understand. Though I knew the answer anyway. It would have been much helpful if I went back to UIA and continue doing Computers instead. Hmmph. Okay so we’ve just started the study week now, but these 1.5 days I have done nothing but sleep alot as if I wasn’t having enough sleep for last few weeks, as well as watch movies. Afterall one of good things about coming to USM is there are some nice buddies sharing alot of latest DVD-ripped movie downloads on the campus server. You name the movie, they have it. And downloading is SUPERfast.


Things are not exactly as you might think they are.

Well, yes, I complain about lack of convenience here in the campus. I have never lived in such a boring place like Nibong Tebal. Yet I know this is what I was asking for.

Not that I was asking for this kind of lifestyle either, I mean, I now find myself talking and eating with my roommates – things I hardly ever did when I was in UIA. Strange, eh?

I used to go easy by myself, and only sometimes eating with my classmates (inside campus, otherwise with the boy) thing is I cant remember if I ever saw my roommates as friends. Not that I was snobbish or anything, but I had lost faith in close-friendships and roommates thing since UIA matriculation, I wouldn’t go into details here but it was a long story which changed my perspective towards friends around me, I would never get to be close to or really trust them ever again. I hardly talked to anyone except my friends I have known good to me. And It turned out to be funny when here in USM I have a roommate here who’s also my course mate, which never happened during 4 years in UIA! So whether I like it nor not I’ll be seeing myself with her many times, with two other roomates who are equally friendly and before I knew it I had morphed into a talking roommate myself.

And the studies. It’s not bad. Well, it’s bad, actually. What makes you think I am so interested to know the output resistance out of a complicated circuit with many long equations derived from?? And signal graphs some more. Yuck. Anyways, I have to live with this, even though I don’t sincerely like the classes. Most of time I am just pretending to like them :) Those who came to study masters are either ambitious to take a step higher to become some smartass lecturer, or those who want to take a break from a busy job. Obviously I am not in either group. I came here only because I wanted to run away from my life. Run away from home. Run away from tears and the bedroom I have spent months crying in. Run away from people who had witnessed my failure in life. Run away from reality which does nothing but hurt me. I didn’t even care whatever place I would end up in. Even in a remote rural area and was left without a car. Even with small bed and study table and ugly room. Even with boring colleagues. I don’t mind.

I don’t want to ask myself if it’s the right choice I took for myself. If I will get something from it. If things will change. If it can do something for my future. I don’t care all those. All I know I just had to face this and live with this, and I want to. I don’t need to have a reason for all these either. I had no other freaking choice.

That’s why I am here, trying to get a little happiness out of this boring place and lectures.

And as much as I wanted to run away from home, I’ll be going back tomorrow night. See you pretty soon, mails and postcards! :)