Things are not exactly as you might think they are.
Well, yes, I complain about lack of convenience here in the campus. I have never lived in such a boring place like Nibong Tebal. Yet I know this is what I was asking for.
Not that I was asking for this kind of lifestyle either, I mean, I now find myself talking and eating with my roommates – things I hardly ever did when I was in UIA. Strange, eh?
I used to go easy by myself, and only sometimes eating with my classmates (inside campus, otherwise with the boy) thing is I cant remember if I ever saw my roommates as friends. Not that I was snobbish or anything, but I had lost faith in close-friendships and roommates thing since UIA matriculation, I wouldn’t go into details here but it was a long story which changed my perspective towards friends around me, I would never get to be close to or really trust them ever again. I hardly talked to anyone except my friends I have known good to me. And It turned out to be funny when here in USM I have a roommate here who’s also my course mate, which never happened during 4 years in UIA! So whether I like it nor not I’ll be seeing myself with her many times, with two other roomates who are equally friendly and before I knew it I had morphed into a talking roommate myself.
And the studies. It’s not bad. Well, it’s bad, actually. What makes you think I am so interested to know the output resistance out of a complicated circuit with many long equations derived from?? And signal graphs some more. Yuck. Anyways, I have to live with this, even though I don’t sincerely like the classes. Most of time I am just pretending to like them :) Those who came to study masters are either ambitious to take a step higher to become some smartass lecturer, or those who want to take a break from a busy job. Obviously I am not in either group. I came here only because I wanted to run away from my life. Run away from home. Run away from tears and the bedroom I have spent months crying in. Run away from people who had witnessed my failure in life. Run away from reality which does nothing but hurt me. I didn’t even care whatever place I would end up in. Even in a remote rural area and was left without a car. Even with small bed and study table and ugly room. Even with boring colleagues. I don’t mind.
I don’t want to ask myself if it’s the right choice I took for myself. If I will get something from it. If things will change. If it can do something for my future. I don’t care all those. All I know I just had to face this and live with this, and I want to. I don’t need to have a reason for all these either. I had no other freaking choice.
That’s why I am here, trying to get a little happiness out of this boring place and lectures.
And as much as I wanted to run away from home, I’ll be going back tomorrow night. See you pretty soon, mails and postcards! :)